no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
