how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
