Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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