I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
