so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
