dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
