you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
