We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
