You just made me feel so damn special
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.