I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
