swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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