he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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