I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
