No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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