Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
