Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
