I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
