I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
