i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
