your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
