you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sex in a hospital.. check
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
