carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
