I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
me + whiskey = a bad person
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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