i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
