You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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