sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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