At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
