the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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