Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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