Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
