So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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