If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
