He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
