i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
