Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
