He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
