I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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