is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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