Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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