Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
