she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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