How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
