it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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