well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
