i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
