he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
