I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
