I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
