You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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