this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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