Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
