i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
