why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
