If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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