sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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