Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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