What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
