I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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