The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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