Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
