I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
