He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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