I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
