So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
