i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
