My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
