I don't usually arrange sex via text message
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
