Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
